New Year, Old Fear!

I'd like to think I have something to say. Some insight into things that would help others. I would hope that in my almost 44 years, I've accumulated some tidbits of wisdom that can be passed on to others. Alas, I'm not sure what they would be...

What do you do when you feel you have limitations? I believe I'm an intelligent person, but I find it difficult to use my knowledge to reason about things. I'm afraid that I'm no better than a machine; taking my input and providing output based on a strict set of rules. I'd much prefer to be able to make decisions based on how the input interacts with what I know of the world.

I've put myself through a lot in the last 4 years as I worked my way first through an Associate's degree, and now through a Bachelor's. I've strived to make that connection between knowledge and reason, but I feel that it mostly elludes me. What if I can't make that connection, what if there is something in me, some biological short-circuit, that keeps me from being truly able to make those deep connections? I don't want to believe that, would rather believe that I've lived a secluded, lazy existance for the last 20 years and that I'm just now exercising the parts of my brain that are needed for the connections I seek.

All I have is the hope that I'm correct. And the fear that I am wrong.